“Now look what you made me do!”
“This never would have happened if you were a better…”
“If you ever try and leave me, I will kill you!”
The domestic abuser uses manipulation, control and violence to turn their victim’s life into a nightmare of pain, confusion, fear and tears.
It is a life of darkness.
Violent deeds done behind closed doors, lives lived in the shadow of shame and desperation, the black and blue of bruises both on the flesh as well as on the soul.
Children huddled in their rooms listening to the anger and screaming wondering if it is somehow their fault.
Many who suffer at the hands of their significant other do so in silence for years. Hiding bruises, making excuses and blaming themselves for the abuse.
For decades the victims of domestic abuse have had no protection, no one to advocate for them.
No one to help them break free from the cycle of violence.
Fear is the driving force.
Fear of ridicule, of not being believed, of being on the streets with no support, of further violence in revenge for speaking out, of losing children.
In recent years, however, as more and more light has been shed on this terrible epidemic, great strides have been made both with education and with laws to foster a safer environment for those seeking help.
There is still a long way to go, more needs to be done to protect victims and their children from the abusers but progress has been made. It is many steps in the right direction with many more to go.
Love does not hurt. There is never a reason or excuse for violence, for beating the person you claim to love.
For those who are in an abusive relationship; none of this is your fault. You do not deserve to be physically and verbally abused. If someone in your life is belittling you, constantly finding fault, calling you names or putting their hands on you in rage please know that you are not alone, you do not deserve this and there is safety and help out there.
Please reach out and save your life, you matter.
Call the Domestic Abuse Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or reach out to them at http://www.thehotline.org
While domestic abuse is a chilling and tragic epidemic, there is a flip side that is also serious and potentially life altering for those involved.
Knowing the gravity with which allegations of assault are taken by law enforcement and the courts, there are some who selfishly choose to use claims of Domestic Abuse as a weapon of revenge against the innocent.
False accusations of abuse can have a ripple effect for the accused. Friends and family are left hurt, confused and stunned that someone they know and love could be accused of such a crime. The stress, anger and isolation the victim endures affects not only the person in question but his relationships and working environment as well.
Financially it puts a strain on the person’s wallet as they attempt to defend themselves.
Sadly that defense is not always successful and then the innocent person finds themselves punished for a crime they did not commit. When facing a judge and given only two options of pleading to a lesser charge or gearing up for an expensive and time consuming trial to clear their name, many opt to take the punishment for the lesser charge. This leaves the person with a record of domestic violence which can impact the rest of their life.
According to SAVE Services out of Rockville, MD in it’s 2010 Arrest Policies for Domestic Violence it is estimated that 700,000 persons each year are wrongfully arrested on charges of domestic violence.
Because of the seriousness of the issue laws enacted to protect the victims of Domestic Violence also, unfortunately make it easier for those who want to exploit the system.
For example, a woman in a pending divorce and custody situation can easily obtain a restraining order against her estranged husband by claiming abuse. These orders are considered emergency orders so the accused party has no opportunity to appear before a magistrate and plead his case. Once in place, the accused then finds himself handicapped in the courtroom during the Divorce and custody hearing, fighting the stigma of an abuser, preemptively punished for a crime he did not commit.
Some states have taken away the officer’s discretion when it come to DV calls. Instead of allowing the officer to weigh the evidence and decide whether or not an arrest should take place mandatory arrests have been instituted instead.
“One California-based officer voiced strong criticism of his state’s arrest laws:
They also removed arrest decisions from the responding officer and we repeatedly had to arrest the man, whose only crime was physically repelling the woman attacking him. In the hundreds of domestic violence phone calls, perhaps 90% to 95% were false, yet I saw children’s and men’s lives destroyed irrevocably due to vindictive, greedy, spoiled, mentally imbalanced, and/or drug-infested women perverting the judicial system.”
—Domestic violence from an ex-cop’s perspective. San Diego Union-Tribune, April 15, 2006.
The toll on a person who is falsely accused of domestic violence is immense emotionally, physically and financially.
The effects of falsely accusing someone of abuse has far reaching secondary consequences as well.
There is a disinclination to follow up and prosecute the person making the false claim because of the fear it will scare true victims of domestic abuse and keep them from coming forward for help.
This lack of consequences for lying to the court adds extra incentive for those who want to use the pain and despair of others as a tool to further their own agendas.
The people who decide to make these allegations take no time to consider the cost their lies extract from their victim and from other innocents. There is no care or concern for the children involved who have to watch from the sidelines as their parent is maligned. There are no second thoughts for the damaged reputation, the possible loss of a career and what that may mean to the victim’s new family if one exists. How will parents care for themselves and their children with no health insurance? Will they still be able to afford the roof over their heads? One single, ugly lie can destroy the lives of not only the target but those around him as well.
Does the accuser just consider the other innocents harmed by her lies collateral damage and acceptable in her private, selfish war?
Taryn Teutsch, her mother and Scientology have made false allegations of Domestic Violence against Mike Rinder.
In this case there was an investigation and Rinder was not charged nor found culpable in the incident his ex wife created.
The EMT report and the police report both put paid to the various colorful, dramatic stories that have been told by Cathy Bernadini and her daughter, Taryn.
Still, they persist in their endeavor to have Rinder’s life destroyed.
Taryn, obviously the victim of another heinous form of abuse, Parental Alienation, is so caught up in her mother’s fantasy and need for revenge she has hijacked the honest, caring people and groups who are truly dedicated to the needs of those caught in the riptide of domestic abuse.
She claims that she is committed to helping women. She claims that her mission is to help make a difference and change laws so that abusers can face justice.
However one look at her blog and one sees post after post dedicated to destroying her father’s reputation, having him fired and even seeking to have a registry created for those who commit DV and having his name added for life.
This is no small thing she and her mother are doing.
At this point most people are aware of the truth of this case. The daily retweeting of the same old comments with nothing new to add lends the situation an air of “been there, done that”.
But shouldn’t there be some sort of outrage?
Not only are Taryn and Cathy publicly and falsely calling an innocent man a domestic abuser but they have hitched their wagon to honest, serious groups and people in order to lend an air of legitimacy and credibility to the lies they are telling.
And no one is speaking up for the truth. No one is stepping up and saying “enough is enough!”
No one is publicly taking a stand and stating that Taryn does not speak for them nor is she affiliated. There is no public distancing of anyone Teutsch has dragged into her campaign of false accusations against an innocent person.
Mike Rinder’s only crime was to escape from his own terrible version of abuse and seek to reclaim his life. As in so many divorce cases, he has moved on with a new wife and another child.
Facing a double dose of hate in the form of an angry ex and a cult known for going to any length to destroy its so called enemies, Rinder is being mauled.
Domestic violence is not OK.
Neither is falsely accusing someone of it.
There is no lesser of two evils here, both are abuse, both are devastating and both destroy lives.
Taryn is demanding that Disney fire Mike Rinder.
In light of the irrefutable evidence, wouldn’t a statement by Disney show that this family oriented company cares enough to speak against this kind of character assassination?
Where is the physician who treated Cathy Bernadini’s injury a year after the fact? He may be bound by HIPPA law but surely he can speak to the medical information already released publicly?
More importantly, where are the people whose photographs are all over Teutsch’s Twitter page and blog?
Surely they do not wish to be shown hand in hand with someone so obviously, blatantly and maliciously lying? The fact that Taryn Teutsch and her mother have fabricated a false story of assault to frame a man should be troubling to those who have been shown supporting Taryn.
With the public airing of the EMT report revealing the truth of the injuries, and the various News and blog posts picking the entire incident apart, Teutsch’s troubling lack of honesty and credibility could easily reflect back on her so called supporters.
There is a devastating lack of attention being given to someone falsely accusing an innocent man of violently abusing a woman.
Domestic violence must absolutely be exposed, addressed and eradicated. No one should ever have to live such a life.
At the same time no one should be allowed to make the allegation of abuse falsely for no other reason than to destroy another’s life.
There should be serious repercussions for such a deception done with such obvious malice and forethought.